Keeping romance alive

Editor's note: Do not be alarmed by the title; this is a family-friendly blog.

I'm sure you've heard what They (even when we wonder who They are) say: In order to keep a relationship fresh, you need to surprise your honey from time to time. I did that today.

Now, The Husband is used to answering odd calls from home at work. They generally involve matters of technical import (When the printer does that thing it's been doing, what do I need to do so I can still print?) or, when I still had a child or two home during the day, first aid (Remind me what I'm looking for when I shine the flashlight in his eyes to make sure he doesn't have a concussion.).

But today I stumped him. No kids at home during the day, relatively few tech hiccups this week, and he heard: What's the 4-letter acronym to stop bleeding? You know -- the one that involves "elevate"?

Yes, folks, I'm keeping the romance alive by surprising my man! If it hadn't involved bodily harm, it would have been even better.

But I learned several invaluable lessons this afternoon. Stuff like, without 2 operational opposable thumbs, it's very difficult to:

• Bandage the thumb you just sliced open, especially while simultaneously trying to apply direct pressure and not bleed all over anything. Well, anything else.
• Chop. Anything. Making dinner was an experience.
• Lift hot, heavy items. Grateful to have help getting dinner out of the oven and on the table.
• Fold stuff decently. No comments on the laundry this week.
• Open zip-top bags. Putting things away was trying.
• Put hair in a ponytail. I look lovely; leave it at that.

If only the bandages would have held, I'd have been in much better shape. As it was, I had to redo a load of dress slacks that somehow got bloodied, as well as change my own clothes after I ended up looking like an extra in a zombie flick. And, actually, I needed Boy #1's help to do that, because my opposable thumb deficit left me unable to unbutton my own shorts. Doesn't anybody think about this stuff when they design clothes?

I managed to bluff my way through doing the dishes, but face-washing set me off again. Next time the knife-sharpening guy tells me the knives are sharp and to be careful, I'll listen more closely.

-ma'am