Bucket List

For the past several years, we've been a 1-bucket family. I know there was a time when we owned multiple buckets, because I usually filled the wrong one full of hot, soapy water to mop the floors. Inevitably, I realized the error of my ways -- because the mop would. not. fit. ARrrrrggghh! -- and schlopped the water into the right bucket.

But then Swiffer came along. Who needed buckets at all? Turns out we did: We still had a car to wash, the occasional floor to scrub in the time-honored fashion of my grandmother. . .and then kids would get sick. Gotta have a bucket for a sick kid.

This post-Swiffer generation House has reached a new milestone: the need for TWO buckets. We've made it more than 8 years with having only 1 person sick at a time. No more.

Once things had stabilized at home this morning -- which means the washer and dryer seemed to be humming along with their work and no one was actively dislodging former foodstuffs -- I set off to procure a second bucket.

I've learned some helpful bits of knowledge the past few days, including:

• When you put a bucket by a child's bed, be sure to tell the child why it's there.
• Once he knows it's there, be sure to provide explicit instruction in how (and when) to use it.
• Be sure the instruction includes the helpful hint that, even if you throw up in the bucket, it still counts, and you should let Mommy know about it.
• It's good to put an old towel under the bucket, because the aim of a small child in the middle of the night is not true.
• Failure to do or convey any of the above will result in extra laundry until you get it right.

And finally, I've learned that maritime flags are useful for Facebook updates. I've already enlisted:

Signal flag "Lima" called the "Yellow Jack" which, when flown in harbor, means ship is under quarantine.

But, given the right circumstances (such as most any morning), I could certainly use this:

"Y (Yankee): 'I am dragging my anchor.'"

Two for The Boys:

"U (Uniform): 'You are running into danger.'" and

"X (Xray): 'Stop carrying out your intentions and watch for my signals.'" (emphasis added)

And then there's the flag for The Husband:

"V (Victor): 'I require assistance.'" 'Nuff said.

So there you have it -- bucket list, House style.

-ma'am